Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has revealed he is tearfully close to shutting down his Facebook account in the new year and setting up a page on Bebo instead.
In his emotional Christmas message, the ashen faced millionaire defended the move as a reaction to the new Facebook Timeline and a dramatic drop in friend requests since 2010. Speaking from inside a disused steel mill in his recently abandoned constituency of Sheffield Hallam, he explained:
When I recorded this message last year I had so many Facebook friends I was reaching the limit, and getting new requests every day - even some from students I was openly planning to betray. Now when I scroll down the list there's just Thatcher and Paddy Ashdowns cat. It's time to move forward.
Mr Cleggs wife, who is Spanish and hotter than yours, then stepped in to describe how Bebo has a younger demographic than other social networking sites and therefore using it would make it 'much easier' for her husband to figure out how to really shaft the next generation.
After changing ties several times on camera and referring to the cataclysmic national hatred he now experiences - which has its own Myspace - the MP concluded:
I don't know why so many of you unfriended me. It's probably because I formed a massively unstable coalition with a completely unsuitable political party, created a moral vacuum, totally fucked up the country and greatly increased the chances of an actual apocalypse next year.
He then added: Is it that? Christ, you people are sensitive. I'm only trying to make more money.
